


I Got Bones Beneath My Skin

by Snow



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Community: sherlockbbc_fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-08
Updated: 2010-08-08
Packaged: 2017-10-11 00:02:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/106014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snow/pseuds/Snow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: <em>John meets Sherlock's previous boyfriend/girlfriend.<br/>Said ex was abusive/responsible for sherlock's addiction/encouraged said addiction/ was generally not nice.</em></p><p>I'd prefer either established Sherlock/John or the prompt leading to Sherlock/John</p><p>Sherlock's been wanting someone to put together the pieces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Got Bones Beneath My Skin

John is doing that humming thing that inevitably annoys Sherlock more than the actual question he will eventually ask. "Is Sebastian your ex?" John says. Sherlock is disappointed; he expected a question like that one.

"Sebastian?" Sherlock replies. "No."

John's response shows that he hasn't caught the clues Sherlock is dropping constantly. "Do you _have_ any exes?"

Sherlock frowns, feeling sorry for John. How dull it must be, to be so dependent on other people answering questions honestly. "One."

"One? I'd pictured you as one to have a string of jilted ex-lovers." The hint of a smile on his face and the slight widening of the eyes imply that John is joking. It is likely he has never thought of Sherlock's romantic life before.

It's an experiment to see how quickly Sherlock can make John's face turn from amused to concerned on Sherlock's behalf. "I'd say it was the other way around, but I'd have to be quite oblivious to not have seen it coming."

"You knew she-"

"He."

"Was going to break up with you."

"I'd hoped." Sherlock stands, what should be a clear sign that he's uncomfortable with the conversation. John still looks like he's going to respect the bounds of social niceties rather than pursuing the topic. "I think I'll go to the store and pick up a few things. Was there anything you wanted?" The offer to do the shopping is extremely out of character for him. Surely John can see that it means that the topic they were on is somehow significant, and ought to be pursued.

"Perhaps some frozen meals would be a good idea," is all John says.

Sherlock resigns himself to actually going to the store and finding another way to spark John's curiosity.

* * *

John is preparing for a second date with Sarah. Sherlock is attempting to help, but according to John he's not managing it. "I'm quite capable of deciding myself what clothes to wear," John says.

"You've worn clothes more flattering than that on our chases of killers across London," Sherlock remarks.

"Yes, and as a result those clothes are now ripped and not at all suitable for impressing anyone." John is wrong; the clothes are attractive in an entirely different manner now. Sherlock knows better than to mention it. "Thank you for that." Sherlock is sure that John is just being absurd now. He is hardly responsible for the care of John's clothing.

"I wouldn't know."

"You wouldn't?"

"No. I've not been on a date in years. Four of them, in fact."

John seems either impressed or dismayed by that information; Sherlock's testing his limits just figuring that much out. "Since your ex?" John asks.

"Quite," Sherlock says. John is starting to catch on now. "I had better let you prepare for your date with Sarah."

* * *

"Your brother," John says, "has invited us for dinner again."

"Be sure that next time he talks to you you mention that there's a word for trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." The animosity between himself and Mycroft is another thing that Sherlock wishes John would just figure out already. It's only peripherally related to the whole ex-boyfriend issue, though, and much less important.

"He does care for you." John clearly didn't realise that hearing someone say they cared for you, that they hadn't meant to hurt you, didn't help, it had _never_ helped.

"Not enough," Sherlock says, because if Mycroft had cared as much as he said he did he would have figured out about David before Sherlock had even gone on a date with the man. Mycroft is much better at people than Sherlock is, and if he wanted to protect Sherlock he could have.

* * *

"What kind of person are you attracted to? Exclusively men?" Sherlock is disappointed to see that John got it wrong after all.

"Why does it matter?"

"Because you need to go on a date, Sherlock."

"You're misreading the cause. The issue is what happened before my last date, not after." Sherlock doesn't date because he doesn't want to take those kinds of risks. It would be perfectly understandable, if anyone ever bothered to understand. "And since you're thinking of saying something trite to reassure me that it is better to have loved and lost and so forth I would ask you to think twice."

John is looking like he feels obligated to say something but hasn't a clue what. Sherlock does him the favour of moving the subject to the question Lestrade had dropped by to ask an hour ago.

* * *

Sherlock hasn't seen David in three years, six months and five days, which is still not nearly enough time. Still, there's no doubt that the person standing in front of his apartment is, as a matter of fact, David. John's phone is closest, but Sherlock has no desire to be responsible for getting him involved in this.

Before Sherlock has found his phone to text David a message to go away that will only be ignored John returns home from work. Sherlock would be worried about having been distracted enough by David to not have noticed John's steps on the stairs if that weren't the norm when David is around.

"There's a man outside claiming to know you."

"Did you let him in?" It isn't hard for Sherlock to keep his voice flat.

"Knowing you is hardly a glowing recommendation."

"Good." Sherlock knows that if he stays in his flat, knowing that David is outside, he'll drive himself to cocaine. He can hardly see John being pleased about that. "Let's go out," Sherlock says. He should be fine with John at his side.

"Where to?"

"Doesn't matter." John is staring at him now, but with curiosity rather than concern.

Sherlock smiles confidently, which John seems to take at face value, before dashing down the stairs.

David doesn't talk when Sherlock brushes past, and he's almost inquisitive enough, almost _stupid_ enough, to slow and ask David what he's doing here.

While Sherlock is relieved that David doesn't follow, it's yet another aspect of this that doesn't make sense. But that's what David does; neither he nor Sherlock's reactions to him have ever made sense.

They're quite a few blocks away before John speaks. "Who's that then? Some employee of your brother's?"

"No. Even Mycroft wouldn't-" It's sort of a game, to see how much he can drop without John understanding. Even if Sherlock rather wishes John would figure it out, he can't break the rules and just come out and say it.

"Then who?"

"Come on, John, you have all the facts. Figure it out." Sherlock's admonishment seems to relax John somewhat.

"That's your ex-boyfriend."

It's clearly an intuitive leap, not a deductive one, but at least it is correct. "Yes. David." It will be easier for John to think about if he has a name to recall. The extra two syllables also give Sherlock a chance to add another hint in the hostile tone of his voice.

"What's he doing here?"

Sherlock shrugs, aiming for something in between casual and worried. "I don't know."

"Right." Sherlock can read John's body language, even if he wishes that weren't the case. John is exasperated, with Sherlock, for not being able to do anything the usual way. And now Sherlock is exasperated with John, for finding it so terribly easy to overlook everything.

* * *

David is gone by the time Sherlock and John return from their walk. Sherlock is relieved. David wouldn't have disappeared unless he's either accomplished what he set out to do or given it up having seen that Sherlock won't help him. He tells John as much, and John gives him a very considering look. Sherlock thinks it possible that John is making progress.

* * *

"You're clean." John makes it sound like fact. The statement hasn't appeared from nowhere; Sherlock is rifling around the apartment, looking, in fact, for where he'd hidden his supply of cocaine.

"For the most part, yes. But just now I have a desire not to be." Sherlock has done the whole cry for help, but this is not that. This is him trying to achieve the sense of self-worth cocaine always gives him, the way his thoughts will speed up and he will be even more brilliant.

"Why?" John asks.

"Not the right question."

"Then what is?"

"I can't spell everything out for you, John. I should think that you'd be happy I'm giving you some credit."

"It's not my fault you're so bloody abstruse."

Sherlock didn't think that statement worthy of an actual response. "If you truly can't come up with the question I'll give you it, but then you'll have to work out the answer for yourself."

It's painful; Sherlock can _see_ John attempting to figure it out, but he's coming at it all wrong. Sherlock can tell that John's going to go for the question. "All right," John says, "What terribly obvious question should I be asking?"

"Why did I start using cocaine in the first place?" Sherlock says.

"You were bored?"

Sherlock is aware before he starts laughing that it won't be a very nice laugh. It comes out sounding rather dismissive, in fact. He can't bring himself to be upset over that, because John is so very wrong and he needs to know how wrong he is so he can go about correcting that.

* * *

"You don't take cases like this one," John says. They're in the living room of the person who just hired Sherlock. She's in the kitchen, making tea. She has no chance of hearing John over the sound of the kettle, but he lowered his voice anyway.

Sherlock lifts the corner of his mouth in a half-smile. It's meant to be taken ironically. "What makes you say that?"

"The wife suspects her husband of cheating on her? I didn't think that was up to your standard of interesting. Shouldn't you have been able to deduce that from his appearance or their house?"

"She's looking for a reason to leave him," Sherlock says slowly, as always hoping the explanation is actually redundant. He can see from John's face that it isn't. "She knows he's not cheating. It would make her life much easier if he was, but she wouldn't wish him on another woman. She's not just looking for an easy out to the marriage; if she was she wouldn't hire me." That observation/deduction pair had actually come after all the others, but Sherlock thinks John will find it easier to follow if he places it here. "So there _is_ something she wants me to notice. Do you have it yet, John?"

"He beats her," John suggests, and it's clear that he only thinks it a suggestion.

Sherlock feels it would be patronising to tell John how _he_ came to that conclusion, so he doesn't. He's been trying to be less patronising around John lately. "Yes," he says instead, because John is waiting for some kind of answer.

"What are you-"

Sherlock can tell that John has no idea how to phrase the question. "I'm not going to the police, or to encourage her to. It would be an incomplete solution at best. Not when he's guilty of several other things as well."

The woman has returned to the living room just in time for Sherlock to cut himself off and throw a smile in her direction. "I would like to just take a look around upstairs, if it's not too much of a bother."

She nods her agreement and Sherlock can feel John shooting her a sympathetic smile. He must be careful not to overdo it; she won't react well if she thinks he's trying to flirt with her. She doesn't seem to be sure whether she should stay or follow. When Sherlock leaves the choice to her, she stays, leaving John and Sherlock alone in the bedroom.

"What are you looking for?" John asks.

"Drugs. Illegal weapons. That sort of thing."

"What makes you think he'll have that?"

"Because they always do." Even Sherlock can admit that his reasoning with that statement isn't up to his normal standards, but when they do find a drugs stash all is forgiven. Sherlock places a not-terribly -anonymous tip with Lestrade and follows John back to Baker Street. John is silent, and every clenched muscle and distracted step he takes indicates that he is thinking something over.

* * *

"The cocaine usage, it was David's doing?" John says it as soon as they enter the flat, after checking for Mrs. Hudson. That indicates that he's been waiting for the right moment to say something, but Sherlock has been watching him this whole time, without detecting any change in body language that would indicate coming to that sort of realisation.

Sherlock doesn't know how to react, he doesn't know how he _should_ react. He's spent so much time dropping clues, but he never actually expected to come to this moment. "Yes," he says, keeping it simple.

It's ridiculous, Sherlock can feel John's gaze combing him, like he expects to see some mark on Sherlock's face still. Sherlock shivers a little under the regard, and he can see John meet the resulting challenge to stay focussed. _Interesting_. "Did he hit you?"

Sherlock actually toys with saying no, which doesn't even make sense. He _doesn't_ lie, and he certainly doesn't want to lie to John about this. "Yes."

Sherlock catches where John extends his hand towards Sherlock's face for a second before snatching it back; a doctor's need to assure himself that his patient is fine asserting itself over everything else that John is. "Have you talked with anyone about this?" John asks.

"Yes, you."

Sherlock can see John swallowing his usual exasperation in his present worry. It's frustrating: Sherlock didn't want John to treat him differently, he just wanted someone else to _know_.

* * *

"You haven't been with anyone since David." John has just returned from another day at work and is still coming in the door when he speaks.

Sherlock can tell that he's been playing with the sleeves of his jumper, which means he's been feeling socially uncertain. Perhaps Sarah dropped by to talk with him and he was faced with trying to figure out how to tell her that he understood why she wasn't interested anymore, and that it was mutual. Sherlock frowns at himself, waving the possibility away. He doesn't usually engage in fantasy, and John's still waiting for an answer. "True." Still, that question was the first thing John said upon returning to the flat, which did indicate he'd spent at least some time thinking about Sherlock. "It's hardly a great tragedy; my work keeps me occupied enough."

"And does it get you off?" John knows the question is impertinent but asks it anyway. Sherlock isn't surprised; he wouldn't like John half as much if he took effort to be polite.

"No. But then, David never did much either." Sherlock can't fathom what John is thinking in response to that, there are too many possibilities and his face isn't giving anything away. "Come on now, we've a case!"

* * *

At the crime scene John is irritable, snapping at Sally when she insults Sherlock. Sherlock responds to her questioning glance with a shrug; it isn't like Sherlock needs the reinforcement, but he doesn't think it's worth explaining to John at the moment that the pseudo-antagonism he and Sally display is just that.

"Is he all right?" Sally says. Sherlock doesn't know what makes her say that, but it's clearly something on his face since she's barely glanced at John the whole time they've been here.

"Aren't you supposed to not care?" Sherlock asks her.

"Aren't you?"

Sherlock frowns at her. "We've been spending too much time together."

"Yeah?"

"You've been picking up some of my habits."

"Of being irritatingly correct?"

"Yes, that."

* * *

The next time Sherlock introduces John as his friend, John doesn't correct him. Shortly after that John tells him that there never was a second date with Sarah. Sherlock can't help feeling pleased, like when he catches a serial killer or when normal people do whatever normal things it is they do that make them happy.

Whatever reaction to being told about David that John seemed to have has faded, and he's started again to look at Sherlock with the kind of admiration and appreciation that he had before Sherlock told him he was married to his work.

Sherlock wonders if he'll have to repeat the sentiment. As much as he doesn't want John to have anyone else, perhaps that would be better. After all, it's not like John can have Sherlock.

* * *

Sherlock can feel the weight of John's regard. Clearly his concern for Sherlock's lack of dating has transformed into a personal interest. "Still married to my work," Sherlock remarks.

"In that case maybe I'll go back to being your colleague," John replies.

It takes Sherlock a moment to realise that John isn't chastising or punishing him, he's offering. "I can't," he says. It's been proven how vulnerable relationships make him, and he can't let that happen again. He doesn't need more blind spots.

"Why not?" John asks.

Sherlock opens his mouth, but John overrides him, mimicking Sherlock's tone of voice. "I've met your brother and I can tell from my conversation with him that there's no family pressure on you to date well or to not date men, so it can't be that. I also know that you're not concerned of what the police force or any of your acquaintances will think, not even in regards to me, because they already assume we're dating and you never bother to correct them. It's also not that you don't like me, because if that were the case I'd have heard about it long before now. You're not precisely subtle."

John pauses then, as if only suddenly aware that he's been carried away in his imitation of Sherlock. "How am I doing?" he asks.

"I usually get to the point faster," Sherlock says. It's a little alarming to see everything he's thought cast out this way. Is he really this predictable? He supposes that in this subject he can't help but be.

"Right." Sherlock knows that John's tone of voice indicates that what he wanted to say was something more along the lines of no. "It could be that you're not _attracted_ to me," John continues, "Only that would be relatively easy to say and you didn't say that."

Sherlock is a little disappointed that John didn't properly deduce the existence of his attraction. It's not like Sherlock's managed subtle with it. The lack of contradiction implies that John hasn't even been paying attention.

"Then there's the issue of your ex-boyfriend. But I would think it's relatively self-evident that I'm not him, that I'm nothing like him."

"It's not." Sherlock knows as soon as he says it that John will misinterpret. He almost considers not explaining, just letting John be hurt and then get over him. "If I could classify people like that I would have avoided David entirely."

"You can't trust your judgement."

Sherlock considers, but there isn't really anything to say to that apart from "Yes".

John doesn't have a response either, so Sherlock gives him the out from the conversation that he needs by picking up a book and making it clear that even if John does say anything, Sherlock won't hear him speak.

* * *

Rather than attempting to pursue Sherlock, John just backs off. It's the best thing he could have done, made better still by the fact that he hasn't planned it. It turns out that Sherlock can tell when someone's _not_ manipulating him after all. His attempts to keep up a healthy sense of paranoia in regards to John are failing with every time John even _looks_ at him. Sherlock is capable of reading people's actions, even if he can't read their emotions, and John's actions are speaking louder than anything he's heard before.

"You asked me why not. I'd like to rephrase my response."

"To?"

"I don't know."

John nods and puts on his thinking seriously face. "Does that mean you want me to convince you?"

Sherlock thinks he can work with that. "Yes."

**Author's Note:**

> I welcome and appreciate comments, including constructive criticism.


End file.
